Having a Difficult Conversation with an Employee

Having a Difficult Conversation with an Employee

In their book Crucial Conversations, Kerry Patterson and three co-authors discuss how to talk about tough topics with employees. They define “crucial conversations” as those where “opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong.”

Starting the day with, “Gee, Larry, you stink,” is hardly what any supervisor looks forward to. However, it may help at first to think about the “business impact,” a key concept when it comes the “Big Four” of employee problems: their attendance, behavior, performance, or attitude.

This idea is one that can help both parties to see that the important discussion is not about a personality conflict, retaliation, passive-aggressive behavior, avoidance, or emotions. Rather, the focus centers on what the employee does or doesn’t do, and how the issue at hand impacts the business in a negative way.

It should be a given that this conversation should take place privately. The supervisor can start by saying, “This is an uncomfortable yet necessary part of my job. As hard as this is to talk about, I have some concerns that your body odor is making it hard for other people to be around you. I’ve seen for myself that it’s affecting your co-workers and our vendors and customers in a way that is not good for our business. I’m sure it’s embarrassing for you and it’s not my intention to make you feel worse. Starting right away, I’d like you to follow our dress code and come to work clean and well-groomed. If you have a medical reason for this problem, you can bring me a note from your physician and we’ll discuss how we might accommodate you. If it’s not a medical issue, I’d like you to begin with these changes starting tomorrow.”

Like hygiene concerns, poor attendance hurts the business. Any private conversation about attendance should cover three key areas: specific dates and times the employee has been late, missed work, mismanaged his or her breaks or lunches, or left work early; what other employees have had to do to cover for the late or missing employee (the impact on the business); and what solutions the employee and/or the supervisor can discuss to resolve the issue.

And like hygiene compliance, the employee should begin to follow the attendance policy, using whatever solutions he or she offered or were told by the supervisor.

Any “business impact” discussion should include the consequences for non-compliance, which includes the possibility of progressive discipline.

By focusing on the employee’s behaviors and not using labels (“You smell” or “You’re always late”), and being firm, fair, and consistent, the supervisor and the employee can get through a crucial conversation.

Dr. Steve Albrecht, PHR, CPP, is a trainer and HR consultant in San Diego, CA. He can be reached at drsteve@drstevealbrecht.com